


I'm Okay (I'm Not Okay, I'm Screaming)

by ThePrincessofPain



Category: My Candy Love
Genre: (But she can pretend she is), (She's really not), Candy is okay, Candy/Lysander, Deborah Bashing, F/M, I'm Done Tagging, Sorry for tag ranting, Written because I'm bitter, and petty, because screw her, but FUCK, is - Freeform, no really, okay, she, that episode hit me hard in the feels
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-05
Updated: 2018-04-05
Packaged: 2019-04-18 17:54:32
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 668
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14218557
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ThePrincessofPain/pseuds/ThePrincessofPain
Summary: "It's okay. I'm okay. There's nothing to forgive." Candy after Deborah is revealed to be a liar. She's okay. Really, she's fine.The tiniest bit of Lysander/Candy





	I'm Okay (I'm Not Okay, I'm Screaming)

She shrugs off their apologies. Smiles when they say that they didn't know, and that they would never have if only they'd known the truth! She smiles and pretends her brain isn't crying out, screaming, "I'm not okay! I'm not okay!" She says she forgives them because that is what they expect. They expect her to be gracious and pretend that their days of ignoring her and begrudging her and screaming at her that she's jealous of Deborah is okay. They expect her to forget that she spent days begging them to listen to her, to listen as she spoke the truth and was persecuted because of it, being turned on and betrayed.

 

They expect her to be happy now that the truth is out, that it will set her free like all the sayings say it will, when in reality she still feels shackled, now more than ever. And of course, none of them notice as her pink lips wobble at the edge's or how her smile is just a bit too bright. How quickly 'I'm okay' comes to her lips.

And she knows that Lysander was just trying to help her like she so often helped him when he gathered them together and had them apologize to her, but she wishes he hadn't bothered because now she must avoid them instead of the other way around.

 

None of them understand why she won't stay and chat with Iris in the hallway anymore, or never strays toward the courtyard lest she see Kim, Violette, or Castiel. Or how she flinches when Amber comes near her, her mean comments so reminiscent of Deborah's that she wants to scream over and over again, but she can't because she is fine and she forgives their digressions, not like Deborah, and _didn't they know her at all?_ Why would she lie to them? What would she ever hurt anyone for?

 

"It's okay. I'm okay. There is nothing to forgive. I'm okay."

 

It becomes her mantra when they ask her, and it's killing her from the inside out, all the things she's bottled up. She has to be strong and defend herself. She has to. No one else will. No matter that she found Violette's stuffed sheep for her and bought herself a stuffed dolly so she would be more comfortable at the sleepover. No matter that she helped Melody pass out her invitations to her birthday party at the last minute. No matter that she bought Castiel new guitar strings so he could play his guitar and got a genuine smile from him for once. No matter that she shared her notes with Iris and said nothing when the other girl forgot them. She helped them all, and she trusted them, and all of them spit in her face (except sweet Lysander, who held her in his arms as she cried her heart out).

 

But none of it mattered because _**Deborah**_ was first and _**Deborah**_ never lied, nevermind the fact that _**Deborah**_ left. Because she was just  Candy. Just the girl everyone walked all over. And that would never change. They expect everything to be the same, to do everything that is asked of her without another word. So, she pretends, locking her feelings away and throwing away the key because they hurt her once. Why wouldn't they again? She lets the pain in her chest build, crying in the bathroom because it hurts, and no one notices.

 

Of course, eventually someone notices her pain. Alexy, her best friend who played double spy for her because he **trusted** her, and he knew Deborah lied. He trusted her, and she couldn't keep her feelings away from him, couldn't put the walls back up in time and stop the tears running from her eyes as his eyes find her's and see the pain in them. His arms encircle her and the steel bands surrounding her heart are ripped off, leaving gashes in her soul she cries,

 

"I'm not okay, Alexy! I'm not okay!"

 

**Author's Note:**

> Poor Candy. Don't you think it was just a bit scarring to have all her friends blank her for a while (I don't think the Deborah problem was solved as fast as it seemed to be.) She was betrayed, and it bugs me that she just goes back to being nice to everyone. So, this came out.


End file.
